Sunday, April 17, 2016
I've been sitting in my bed crying my eyes out. My heart is broken and hurting. I'm here all alone trying to figure out what I'm feeling.
Today would be my Grandma Bee's birthday, the anniversary of my Granddad Roger's death, and the passing of sweet Ricardo. That's a lot for one heart to take.
With my brother having his surgery coming up; it brought up a bunch of feelings and lots of tears today.
Regret. Regret is a feeling that I've been scared of having lately. I'm so scared that I'll life a live of not doing what I want. I'm scared that I'll keep staying in one place and not take those risks. I don't want to live with regrets.
We are meant for so much more. It infuriates me that we are told/expected/made to work 8 hours a day. We are on this beautiful planet for a short amount of time and we spend most of it working. We should be spending more time with our friends and family doing the things that make us happy.
We work hard for our families and for the little moments of travel, vacations, or days off. We barely get to enjoy our time together. Work doesn't always stay at work. It finds ways to come home and creep into family lives.
Lately, my eyes have been opened to what society wants us to do. I have been out of college for nearly a year and the "real world" has been revealed to me. Quite frankly, I find it stupid. I don't want to spend 40+ hours a week working and barely having time to do anything else. I don't like that my parents, who teach, spend more time at school than they do at home. I don't like that my parents spend more time with other people's children than they do their own two; even though Andersen and I are adults. I don't like that we spend more time to at work than with each other.
I find it infuriating that the vacation and personal days are so limited. Yet, I'm the one that doesn't use them. I try to save them all up and use them for ONE week during the year to spend with my family. I should be taking a day here and a day there to go home and see the people that mean the most to me. I'm going to change this. I don't know what that will look like. But this will not be my life for the rest of my time here on this planet.
I know that this is short. But my heart has been broken the past few days for this world and I needed to get this off my chest.